Question:

I have a real problem with fear. I find myself paralyzed at times because I’m so afraid of all the things that could go wrong. Sometimes I can’t make a decision because I’m so worried about making a mistake. This fear is affecting my business and holding me back in life. Do you have any suggestions to help me overcome this?

Answer:

Every moment of your life, you are facing the unknown around the next corner. There is a 50/50 chance that what awaits you is terrible, but there is also a 50/50 chance things will be better than they are today. So why do you assume the worst?

Remember that the unknown is called the unknown for a reason — you don’t know what it is. Borrowing pain from the unknown future and suffering over it today is a pointless waste of energy.

Standing in this place, facing the unknown, you only have two choices. You can spend today afraid that tomorrow will be bad, which will make you anxious, distracted and selfish (because you can’t focus on others when you are in fear). Or you can spend today in trust that tomorrow will be great, which will make you calm, optimistic and loving today.

Your choice will not affect what will happen tomorrow.

The unknown will be, what it is meant to be, either way.

But your choice will greatly affect the quality of today.

Choosing to be optimistic would be a lot more fun, and optimistic people tend to live longer.

A study done at the University of Pittsburgh showed that optimistic people were 30 percent less likely to die from heart disease than pessimists, and 14 percent less likely to die from any other disease.

Bottom line, being optimistic is good for you.

If you struggle with getting your pessimistic attitude out of the way, this is how I recommend you do it:

1. Decide what you believe about life. Is life a classroom or a testing center? Are you here to prove your worth or are you here to learn and grow? It can’t be both. This journey is either a test designed to trick you, tempt you and possibly crush you or it is a safe process where the universe is on your side and helping you grow.

I believe the journey is about growing and learning. I believe it is a divine process designed just for me to facilitate my growth. I believe every experience that shows up in my life is there to help me become better. I believe the universe is on my side, and even when bad things happen, they are still there for my benefit. I believe that even if I fail on occasion, those failures will serve me. I believe life is a classroom, and my value isn’t on the line here.

Because I choose to see life this way, I’m not scared of mistakes or failures. I know I will recover and things will be okay. I trust the process of life, and this takes away my fear of the unknown.

2. Choose to believe there is a net. Life is like a walk across a tight wire. It appears to be risky and dangerous. Sometimes we are scared we are going to fall or fail and that everything will be lost. We often struggle to find our balance and stay upright. The question is, is there a net?

Every time I’ve been to the circus and watched someone walk the wire, there has been a big net underneath them the whole time. It may have looked scary, but they were never in any danger.

I believe you have a net.

Your life might look and feel scary, but you are not in any danger. Life is a classroom designed to facilitate your learning — so you can’t fail at it. There is a net, or plan, or purpose that makes this journey a safe one and means your value is not on the line. (Take a minute and think about your personal spiritual beliefs. Are they consistent with this idea?)

I recommend that you make this your official policy on life. Officially decide to see the process of life as a safe one. Officially decide to see life as a classroom, not a test. Officially decide to feel safe because there are no mistakes, only lessons.

Or you can spend every day in fear and anxiety, if you want to.

Some people are going to read this article (as they always do) and in the comments section they are probably going to tell me I’ve got my head in the clouds because life is a cruel mean place and bad things happen and you have every right to be afraid.

I will give them this — I cannot prove there’s a net and this journey is a safe one, but they can’t prove it isn’t.

Think about it.

I think you get to choose what you believe. You get to decide how you want to experience your life. You can experience every day in fear or you can choose trust.

I choose to trust there’s a net.

It helps.

(Some days you will have to make this choice every 5 minutes, but you can do it.)

About the Author: Kimberly Giles
Kimberly Giles gives her advice in the “LIFEadvice” series every Monday on ksl.com. She is the president of Claritypoint Life Coaching and a sought-after life coach and popular speaker who specializes in repairing self-esteem. Listen to her Self Esteem CPR Workshop at www.claritypointcoaching.com.

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By Maureen Farrell @CNNMoneyInvestFebruary 4, 2013: 6:52 AM ET

The latest sign of a housing boom: investors are clamoring to buy up homebuilding stocks, homes, and undeveloped land.
Investors are betting big on the housing recovery.

Hedge funds and private equity firms have been rushing in to buy up companies and assets in every part of the housing supply chain, including undeveloped land, homebuilders, foreclosed homes, and building parts manufacturers.

One of the most notable moves is coming from hedge fund manager John Paulson, best known for his big (and lucrative) bets against subprime mortgages in 2006 and 2007.

Now, he’s turned his attention to snapping up undeveloped land in areas hardest hit by the housing crisis. “Land is the accordion in the home building equation,” said Michael Barr, who runs Paulson’s real estate investments. “It falls the most in a downturn, but also rises the most in an upturn.”

Over the past two years, Paulson & Co has bought up enough land in California, Arizona and Nevada to build up to 25,000 homes and is aggressively scouting for more, according to Barr.

Private equity firms are also getting in on the game.

Blackstone Group (BX) spent $2.7 billion last year to buy 17,000 single family homes, post-foreclosure, around the United States and plans to continue ramping up those efforts in 2013.

Pine River Capital Management took real estate investment trust Silver Bay Realty Trust (SBY) public in December. Silver Bay, which acquires, renovates, leases and manages single family homes, has already purchased more than 2,500 homes in areas hard hit by the housing crisis. In a recent SEC filing, Silver Bay said that it plans to purchase 3,100 more homes.

And in a sign of investors’ growing appetite for a piece of the housing market, shares of publicly traded homebuilders have been soaring. PulteGroup (PHM), KB Home (KBH), and Lennar (LEN) are all trading near 52-week highs. Pulte’s shares have more than doubled over the past year, while the KB Home and Lennar’s shares have nearly doubled.

And for the first time since 2004, homebuilders are testing the IPO waters.

Tri Pointe Homes (TPH), which builds single family homes in California and Colorado raised $232 million through an IPO last week. Shares of the company, owned by Starwood Capital, rallied 20% on their first day of trading.

Others are lining up.

Scottsdale, Ariz., homebuilder Taylor Morison has filed to go public and is expected to kick off its investor roadshow in the next few weeks. And building supply company Boise Cascade, jointly owned by PE firm Madison Dearborn and OfficeMax (OMX, Fortune 500), plans to make its public debut next week.

Investment bankers and IPO investors say they expect more homebuilders to go public this year. “As the sector rotates back into favor again, it makes sense for housing companies to monetize,” said Brad Miller, co-head of global equity syndicates at Deutsche Bank.

Brad Geisen, CEO of Foreclosure.com, which keeps a database of foreclosures around the nation, said he’s been seeing a lot of interest from investors looking to buy up large numbers of foreclosed properties over the past three months.

“A lot of investors see a short window of opportunity where there’s good inventory on the market at bottom market prices,” said Geisen. “No one knows how long it will last, so these investors are trying to buy as much as they can right now.” To top of page

First Published: February 4, 2013: 5:27 AM ET

Wow! Does that mean you are so good that you can achieve what no one else has? Or are you being set up to fail?

Because I am an eternal optimist, I prefer to believe the first premise. Positive thinking is more than just a tagline. It changes the way we behave. And I firmly believe that when I am positive, it not only makes me better, but it also makes those around me better. I think that good attitudes are contagious. I want to start an epidemic!

A friend who also prefers to look for the silver lining suggested I Google “The Positive Pledge” by author and inspirational speaker Jon Gordon. Several promises stand out among the fifteen in the pledge, including:

-I pledge to be a positive person and positive influence on my family, friends, co-workers and community.
-I vow to stay positive in the face of negativity.
-When I want to be bitter I will choose to get better.
-When I meet failure I will fail forward towards future success.
-I believe my best days are ahead of me, not behind me. The full pledge is a terrific framework for a positive attitude, because we know that positive thinking isn’t always easy. Negative thoughts can creep into our mind – and jump out our mouths – when we least expect them. The trick isn’t to fight them, but to manage them so they don’t paralyze us.

Identify the triggers. When you have a negative thought (“This will never work . . . I can’t do this.”), stop and ask yourself what’s bringing it on. You may be tired or stressed out, or you may be affected by someone else’s perspective. If you can locate the cause, the thought itself won’t have as much power over you.

Focus on the now. Worrying about the past or the future isn’t very productive. When you start chastising yourself for past mistakes, or seeing disaster around every corner, stop and take a breath and ask yourself what you can do right now to succeed. Find something to distract you from destructive thoughts and reset your attitude.

Replace the negative. If you find yourself plagued by a recurrent worry, train yourself to think of something else. Memorize a short poem, phrase, or meditation, and when you catch yourself in a negative thought, replace the negative with the positive. Your conscious mind can concentrate on only one thought at a time, and driving the negativity away will free you up to move forward again.

Years ago, I came across an essay that really solidified my commitment to positive thinking. It has been credited to several people, most often Robert J. Burdette or the ubiquitous “unknown.” Regardless of whoever authored it, here is the message for you to contemplate:

“There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept from fear and apprehension.

“One of these days is Yesterday with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. All the money in the world cannot bring back Yesterday. We cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone.

“The other day we should not worry about is Tomorrow with its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise and poor performance. Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control. Tomorrow’s sun will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in Tomorrow, for it is yet unborn.

“This leaves only one day – Today. Anyone can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities – Yesterday and Tomorrow – that we break down.

“It is not the experience of Today that drives men mad. It is remorse or bitterness for something that happened Yesterday and the dread of what will happen Tomorrow.”

That’s a difficult formula to improve upon, and perhaps even more challenging to practice. But I promise you, I’m positive you will be better off for trying!

Harvey Mackay

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1) I haven’t done anything wrong so my credit is fine. Even if you’ve done everything right, your credit could still be in trouble. That’s because 70% of credit reports have errors on them. In the likelihood that you have one of them, you could be paying more in interest than you need to be.

2) If I check my credit report, it will hurt my score. Checking your own report generally doesn’t hurt your score but errors do so don’t let this be an excuse not to do it.
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3) I’ve checked my credit report and there are no errors so I don’t have anything to worry about. You actually have 3 credit reports (from Experian, Equifax, and TransUnion) so if you’ve only checked one, there’s still a chance that errors on one of the others is hurting you.

4) I should get my free credit reports at freecreditreport.com. First, many sites like this only give you access to one report, which is from Experian in this case. At freecreditreport.com, you also have to wait for up to two days or pay a monthly fee unless you cancel within a short period of time. Instead, you’ll want to go to the official site created by the three credit bureaus: annualcreditreport.com, which allows you free and immediate access to each of your credit reports once every 12 months.

5) I should always make payments on old debts. While it may feel like the right thing to do, the debt collector will be unable to sue you for it if the debt is older than your state’s statute of limitations. However, if you make a payment, it could actually reactivate that time period and give the creditor a chance to file a lawsuit against you. If it’s older than 7 years, it shouldn’t even be on your credit report at all so have it removed and forget about it.

6) I should use a debt settlement company. The first thing debt settlement companies usually do is collect your payments and withhold them from the creditor in order to settle the debt for a lower lump sum payment later. The problem is that until the debt is settled, this strategy could result in a lower credit score, harassing phone calls from creditors, and even a lawsuit against you. If you have debt within your state’s statute of limitations but you can’t afford to pay it back in full, you could avoid the debt management company’s fees by trying to reach a settlement yourself. Just be sure to let them know that you’re considering filing for bankruptcy protection. Another option is to work with a nonprofit credit counselor that can negotiate on your behalf.

7) I should always close a credit card after paying it off. This can actually hurt your credit score in a couple of ways. If it’s a card you’ve had for a while, closing it can reduce your credit history, which is about 15% of your score. Second, if you have any debt, closing a card can increase your debt utilization or the ratio of debt to credit available. Keep in mind that you can always cut up the card and simply not use it.

However, there are also a couple of reasons to close a credit card account. One is a steep annual fee but you can always ask them to switch the card to a no-fee one. In addition, closing a card can help your score if you have too much credit available. To see if this is the case for you, you can see the effect of closing a card and other actions on your score at sites like Credit Karma, Quizzle, and Credit Sesame.

8) Bankruptcy is the end of the world. Yes, it’s painful and can take 7-10 years to be removed from your credit report but many people’s credit scores are practically recovered within just a few years. If you can’t pay your debts, think of bankruptcy as a second chance that’s better than allowing the debt to continue hurting your score.

9) Maintaining a balance on my credit cards will increase my credit score. Opening and using a credit card can increase your score, especially if you’re starting to build or rebuild your credit, but keeping a balance will only increase your interest payments. If anything, the opposite is true since having a lot of debt can hurt your score.

10) I need to pay a company like LifeLock to protect my credit. You can get free daily credit monitoring through Credit Karma. Even better, you can put a security freeze with each credit bureau for at most a nominal fee to help prevent identity thieves from opening an account in your name.

Erik Carter, Contributor Forbes 9/26/2012 @ 9:17AM

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